Tuesday, November 20, 2012

His absence is still what I come home to

I would give anything to have Terence lay beside me in bed again.                                                                                                        I have to be honest, my last post was great; it was all about me learning how to convert my relationship with Terence from being a relationship of  "presence" to a relationship of memories.                                                                                                                  Well surprise!  I'm not there yet!  I need a hug from him right now more than anything.  I'm facing the most tragic moments in my life without the one person who can physically comfort me.  Pictures are bringing no comfort at the moment. 
This yearning for Terence is too painful.  It's so.......acute. There's no other way to describe it.  No matter how busy I make myself, his absence is still what I come home to. How, how, how does one ever get used to that?

Do I accept my Terence's death?  I know he's gone.  Sometimes I cry "come back, I need you" .  Then I say, "I know you can't, but I want you to anyway.It's my protest against a very big reality.  I was with Terence when he died, at home, in a hospital bed in our bedroom, in my arms.  He's definitely gone.  

I can only think of one thing.  I need to find comfort elsewhere:    
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds" Ps 147:3

                                                        Thank you Lord.


Matthew 11:28-30 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Read more: http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/20-encouraging-bible-verses-for-the-brokenhearted/#ixzz2CiuyhwW0

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