Terence Luttrell-was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer at 46 in July 2009:PSA 431 & Gleason score 9. The diagnosis was advanced stage of the disease; Prognosis:6-18 months to live & came as a complete shock. Terence passed away after fighting for 37 months as the sun rose on Sunday August 19,2012.
Our family is learning how to pass through trying times, allowing it to challenge us in our faith growing in Christ & painstakingly learning how to live above the effects of cancer!
"Heavy sighs". My yoga teacher told me that I sigh because I am stressed, and the stress is causing me to take shallow and short breaths. Deep breaths are good.
But I'm not there yet.
I'm still at the part where I cry when I look in the pantry and see Terence's cereal box. I cry when I open the fridge and see the carton of milk (he's the only one who drinks milk). I cry when I put my socks on because we share socks. I cry when I see his truck parked out side. I cry when I see cowboy Joe. I sigh when my Annie bug climbs into my lap silently and just cuddles me- no words spoken. I cry when I pick up the mail, I cry When I check our DVR and all that's recorded is "The Best of the West" (Jim and Dean) and good old Judge Judy. I haven't even told you what happens when I go near his closet or dresser. I cry when I sit in his chair.
I spent the week at my sister Charla's house..... I slept the entire time there and if I was awake, I was crying or sighing. I cried (and sighed) on the two hour drive back today.....coming home to an empty house and responsibilities are now all mine. I cried when I had to balance the check book, pay bills and read condolence cards (although, the cards brought some sunshine to my heart). I sighed when I turned the sprinklers on.
I know if Terence were here he'd still my sighing with a long hug and dry my tears with the palm of his hand while my head would be in his lap; he'd be telling me everything will be okay, then he'd lift my head up and I'd give him a kiss. Somehow he makes everything okay for me, he always has.
But here's not here. "But You, O LORD, are a shield about me, My glory, and the One who lifts my head". Psalm 3:3
"Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted." Matt 5:4