Saturday, June 9, 2012
Putting on my happy face
Putting on my happy face
Sometimes I wish I could be like Jane Jetson who adorned her "morning mask" (she used it when she skyped in the mornings!)- oh how wonderful that would be! Oh wait! How convenient that I have a cut out of one of my Facebook profile pictures!
Honestly though, some days it's truly difficult to put that happy face on. This past week has been "one of those days". Anxiety snuck in and I became overwhelmed by the simplest things-laundry, mail, dishes.... not to mention helping Terence with his daily routine-but more than anything watching him try to overcome pain that had been engulfing him for days. It's overwhelming to watch him struggle like that and not be able to physically do anything for him. It got to the point it was so bad (poor Terence!) that I could not bear to see him like that- I couldn't even look at Terence or be around him- once when he was trying to tell me and show where his pains were, I was so overwhelmed that I threw a blanket over my face- I felt like I couldn't take it any more. I didn't mean to block him out, I just needed a break from his pain!!! (I know that sounds odd because he's the one in pain!).
Today (Saturday)- he's jacked up (or down?) on morphine- he hasn't been able to shake off the pain. I haven't been able to shake off the anxiety. I prayed for him while I was mowing the lawn. I prayed for him when I helped him in the shower. I prayed for him while making his lunch. I prayed, prayed, prayed. And then I got angry, irritated and frustrated that I still had the dishes, laundry and dinner to take care of when I finished the lawn and to top it off, he was still in pain! I could not find my happy place. I had no happy face, except the cut out facebook profile- and though that may work for Jane Jetson, I didn't think that one would fool Terence or anyone else.
My sister in law (Mona) reminded me today that we need to use the word "joy" more often. I thought about it and she's right. Joy is not the same as happiness. True joy is attained by the Lord and it gives us an overwhelming sense of comfort and contentment that floods our soul. Happiness is based on our circumstances. My circumstances are not very favorable right now nor are they very fun so I haven't been too happy (hence the need for the happy face). But joy? I can find joy in our tribulation because the God of Hope can fill me with joy.