Monday, March 19, 2012

Looking at pictures of a healthy Terence undermined my ability to hope for our future.

The life of faith is continually renewed by victory over doubt.
 March 19, 2012
by sherry

A couple of things today.  This blog is about learning how to 'Live above cancer" which to me, means several things: not just living with cancer but not to allowing cancer and all of it's minions dominate our life. 

Most importantly recognizing that cancer (or any major challenge) sifts and tests our faith.  God's desire is that this sifting process (or scrutinizing) will strengthen us so that we may also strengthen other who are facing difficulties.

Luke 22:31-32-  Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift all of you as wheat.  But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.”


Before I go on, today's report for Terence is that he is struggling with more swelling (lymph edema) in his legs, pelvis and pubic area which makes it so that he is recliner bound- it's important that he remains in a somewhat inverted position (hips above his heart) to help the lymph fluids flow backwards.  This is difficult for him (and my heart) because it is really disabling.  He needs a walker to walk more than 50 yards and has to think twice about whether or not he will commit to those 50 yards. He has an appointment today that will hopefully allow him to get lymphatic massages, which will help.

And so we pray.  We pray continually.  No weapon formed against him will prosper. We speak life over his body. We pray for restoration. Speaking of which, that brings me back to today's post: faith continually being renewed by victory over doubt.


Last night I began organizing years of our photographs which span over a period of 30 years. I put this off for many years because as a busy mom, I never got to it. But when Terence was diagnosed I found time on my hands, but no heart. It was too heart breaking sifting through photos of a once healthy Terence; looking at pictures of a young couple (us) that still had hopes for a future......virgins to true hardship.  Those photographs undermined my faith. 


Every time I looked at them I found myself mourning a loss of our future and our dreams. It brought sadness and doubt of a future with Terence. So I had to put them away.  But last night I figured it was time to get over it. I sorted through hundreds of photos- photos of a time we were happy-go-lucky, never fearing the future. As I did this I prayed that the Lord would renew my faith with that same naivete.  Not that I want to be naive of our future (the doctor's reports will be sure that I can't),  I just want to be able to believe in the Lord (have faith) more than be sad and fearful.... which brings doubtSo I exposed myself to the thing that causes the most sadness and fear and doubt and I got the pictures sorted out. 


Apostle Paul teaches us that we can know if we’re mature by whether we trust Jesus,  and whether we keep pressing on. Those who are mature know this and act by it. If you do not know this, and/or you do not act by it, God will sift you further  (Philippians 3:1-16).


Through this horrible cancer journey our faith is being sifted or scrutinized and dissected .....and we hope not to be found wanting, but to growing solid and mature through this. The thing that enables me to grow through this sifting process and not shrink back from  the fear and pain is knowing that Jesus himself prays for us and that He is cheering us on and enabling us (I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me).

So today I can look at old pictures of a healthy and active Terence and be renewed in my faith.  This is a new step of victory over doubt.


Enjoy some of these  pictures, I did!

Scaling a 100 foot waterfall in Mexico

On our trophy boat on Lake Chelan
Visiting old ghost towns in Wyoming
Outstanding Young Professional 1990
Rough housing with the grand kids, 2007

Adding another trophy to his collection.
In the water, Lake Chelan

Luke 22:31-32

Contemporary English Version (CEV)
Jesus' Disciples faith will Be Tested
 Jesus said, "Simon, listen to me! Satan has demanded the right to test you, as a farmer does when he separates wheat from the husks. [But Simon, I have prayed that your faith will be strong. And when you have come back to me, help the others."



1 comment:

  1. Sherry: Your thoughts and feelings are far from lightweight or immature. You go to the very core of your experience, for good or for sad. I feel that doubt proves that you are both alive and thoughtful. Just as love covers a multitude of sins, so facing your doubts honestly shows a depth of reality, eyes open. I can only imagine the scope of your experience, and pray for you always. God be with you, Sherry. God is with you, Sherry.