I'm trying to stay focused and centered today- because anxiety becomes an unwelcome visitant especially when new CT scans and tests are scheduled....
Tomorrow Terence has his new scans and Weds. we meet with his oncolgist to discuss the results and direction of treatment since the chemo wasn't effective.
Every day there are new issues that indicate cancer progression and I attempt to overcome the anxiety sometimes by the minute; because cancer is so...."in our face".
It's much easier to quote the faith scriptures and quotes when adversity pertaining to life and death are not daily concerns. I suppose that's what the scripture is referring to when it says that God reveals himself as we go from "faith to faith"- and truly, we live by faith (that is: every day, choosing to believe), Rom.:1:17. Believing is a big thing!
When cancer in it's full force is in your face, every moment, every day, it's tough not to give the oil to the squeaky wheel. And yet...
Today Terence is working to overcome pain, managing the morphine intake, back to having to self catheterize ( no Foley catheter!), every day the urine retention increases...1200 cc....1300cc...1400 cc.....bone pain....bladder pain.....fatigue......the squeaky wheel.....
So you can see how easy it is to become anxious- when you see and experience the progression. But then there's faith. Not easy, but it's what makes things possible. Believing makes it possible to face the day. It makes it possible to get up and fight. It breeds hope in our inner being and is the arch enemy of anxiety.
Today, I am anxious. Today Terence and I are choosing to believe that all things are possible with God.
"Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26
Thank goodness there is something good to believe in and something to hope for!
|Terence & I, October 2010, Hawaii|