Heavy sighs and cries.
9.7.12 by sherry
"Heavy sighs". My yoga teacher told me that I sigh because I am stressed, and the stress is causing me to take shallow and short breaths. Deep breaths are good.
But I'm not there yet.
I'm still at the part where I cry when I look in the pantry and see Terence's cereal box. I cry when I open the fridge and see the carton of milk (he's the only one who drinks milk). I cry when I put my socks on because we share socks. I cry when I see his truck parked out side. I cry when I see cowboy Joe. I sigh when my Annie bug climbs into my lap silently and just cuddles me- no words spoken. I cry when I pick up the mail, I cry When I check our DVR and all that's recorded is "The Best of the West" (Jim and Dean) and good old Judge Judy. I haven't even told you what happens when I go near his closet or dresser. I cry when I sit in his chair.
I spent the week at my sister Charla's house..... I slept the entire time there and if I was awake, I was crying or sighing. I cried (and sighed) on the two hour drive back today.....coming home to an empty house and responsibilities are now all mine. I cried when I had to balance the check book, pay bills and read condolence cards (although, the cards brought some sunshine to my heart). I sighed when I turned the sprinklers on.
I know if Terence were here he'd still my sighing with a long hug and dry my tears with the palm of his hand while my head would be in his lap; he'd be telling me everything will be okay, then he'd lift my head up and I'd give him a kiss. Somehow he makes everything okay for me, he always has.
"But You, O LORD, are a shield about me, My glory, and the One who lifts my head".
Psalm 3:3
Sherry,
ReplyDeleteYou know the pain of your loss will one day be easier to bear. It won't ever totally go away, and you know that. Your tears are in a bottle in heaven, dear lady. He sees every tear and hears your cries. There is coming a day when there will be no more tears or sorrow, but for now, may the precious Holy Spirit come in power and grace to you now to fill your heart, your home and your life to comfort you. He is the God of all comfort! God bless you now and give you rest and sweet peace. We stand with you and love you in Him! -Rich and Robin Johnson Springfield, MO
....Thank you. And blessings to you you both.
ReplyDeleteSherry,
ReplyDeleteYou are beautiful. Your eyes tell the entire story. I can't even begin to imagine your grief, losing the love of your life. You are in my constant prayers. I think of you often, and just thought I should tell you. Thank you for opening up your heart, and sharing with us. - Rikki Robinson