One of those days.

Meloncholy day
by sherry


Today, I'll admit I need strength. It's one of those days.

Terence & Bella on their prayer rock last summer

We had planned a 3 day getaway to Discovery Bay- but had to  cancel it today; I'd packed our bags as Terence struggled to help me load the car...it was obvious this trip was not a good idea.

So, I've unpacked and we're using his energy to overcome pain in his recliner. We'll spend time together here at home.

I've been reflecting this time last year. I'm glad we took the trips that we did- we spent a week at the cabin at Mt. Ranier with the three grand kids.  Terence and Bella took their annual hike up to their prayer rock at the waterfalls (they've visited rock every year since she was three); the five of us ran through mountain meadows and sledded down the snowy hills on inner tubes, we climbed over the 'down-fall' over the creek, roasted marshmallows,  played games...all of this took strength and energy that Terence no longer has.

This is enough to break my heart when I really think about it, so I  usually keep my mind pre-occupied, except this is the time of year we usually get cabin fever and plan some kind of brief getaway.  It saddens my heart so much to think that we can't do this.  So much has changed. 

Sometime in the wee hours this morning I rolled over in bed looking for Terence, only to remember that he can no longer sleep with me.  For a mili-second I got really angry. I got up and checked on Terence out in the living room. I ended up getting my blanket and pillow and slept on the couch so I could at least be in the same room. At about 8 am, I took my blanket and slept kneeling on the side of his recliner so I could have my head near his chest. Pathetic I know, but what can I say.

I don't like where the days seem to be heading,  but someone wise once wrote that there is a way that "seems",  but in the end it leads to death. So I don't want to think about what seems to be unfolding and I will continue to hope against hope.

I suppose I am grieving a loss. Of vacations with the kids, the loss of our vigor and the loss of creative energy Terence has always had.  Being a recreation director for almost 20 years, Terence was a 'licensed professional' in the field of recreation (funny, huh?)-------this is the loss I am grieving today.  I am just sad.

So....I know this is a depressing post today.  But don't cry, I don't want to make any one sad today. God is gracious and will strengthen me, probably even before I finish posting this. I am finding that we need the strength of the Lord and wisdom of the Father just to get through our days - thankfully the Lord is faithful and helps us through because of the many prayers and support of our friends and family.

A thoughtful picture taken by my friend Rona.

 Our hospice nurse just contacted us- evidently we'll be using that "Comfort Kit" she dropped off last week- liquid morphine.

So, "Living Above Cancer" means to overcome the debilitating thief today.  Maybe a quiet candle lit dinner for Just T and I.......on the TV trays.

Terence's "Comfort Kit" arrived yesterday.

Terence & Cead w/our grand daughter Bella

by sherry
We had a really busy week these past 7 days- Hospice orientation, meeting the (large) team: medical director, Nurse practitioner, RN, Social worker, chaplain, nurse aids, home aides.......and we've been receiving packages of supplies every day- our house is overflowing with medical supplies and equipment.  Terence's nurse delivered his "Comfort Kit" (I didn't know this existed)- this is a box medications above and beyond his current prescriptions. When the nurse handed the kit to me, I asked "what are these for"?- evidently, I'm  supposed to keep them on hand......

Anyways,  it did help to meet with his nurse, she was able to give me some tips to keep Terence ahead of the pain.  So. far it's worked for the last few days. He was able to enjoy a visit from my sister Charla and her husband today we spent the day outside so he got some sun and fresh air...

 He's been fighting a fever ranging from 99.9 to 103 for the last few days. He started aniti-biotics and has been getting a lot of rest.  So it meant a lot for him to be outside and feeling well enough to hang out with us.

Tomorrow, we are ministering with our team at the Mienh Church in Seattle.  We are both excited that he'll be in the pulpit again, after a short break.

Meanwhile, we have our own version of a "comfort kit":
Psalm 46:1-3 - God is our refuge and strength, and ever-present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear.... 

Terence and our new grand puppy, 'Rocky'

Busy Day
by sherry

We've so busy today-  massage therapy, social workers, nurses, supplies...dressing changes...prescription changes...and we never left our house, woo hoo!

True to their name (Hospice)- they are certainly hospitable.

Terence has been in significant pain, we've spent the past few days trying to get a handle on it-there have been many times in the last 48 hours where he has been 'spent'; his body slumped over but his head bowed.  When I ask him "whatcha doing?" he answers, "I'm asking the Lord to help you through this".

(Love).