As far as seasons, phases and transitions go....

Season changes by sherry

I was outside walking the property today and was bonked on the head - overtaken (literally!) by a host of pine cones falling from the trees!  The squirrels are busy 40 feet above, getting ready for the season change and filling their store houses for winter.

I stopped to watch- being mindful of transitions of all kinds–from one season to another, life phase to life phase. I used to leap past these moments, without much thought- simply checked out, distracted with food, shopping, kids, internetting, etc. never really appreciating what change usually brings and appreciating the past. Now I try to catch myself in those in-between moments.

For me, because of cancer and it's prognoses, there is some grief associated with letting go of the past season and entering the next. Like it or not, I find myself thinking, "was this our last summer together? Was this our last trip to the cabin?".

As far as seasons, phases and transitions go, we are entering into a new one in Terence's health.  We just returned from the surgeons office- after a long morning- of waiting and more consulting with his oncologist, Terence will have surgery next Thursday-  it's only a "TURP-" (which is a resection of the urethra)- the rest of tumor that is crowding his bladder and rectal sling can only be taken care of by chemo, (can't be cut out separately like we hoped!)- so chemo will follow after the surgery. The other option is to remove/take everything out: bladder, prostate and rectum---but no use in doing that until we try chemotherapy & radiation.

  Since it's only a TURP and not major surgery now, we're hoping it will only be out-patient or overnight. If he stays in longer, I will be staying at the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance house, downtown.  We'll see.

All his pre-op stuff will be done in the next few days (in Seattle). We're both a little tired but ready to move on and get stuff done.

Meanwhile.... until surgery next week- Terence is starting a new treatment that will 'disable' his bladder function, so he will have to self- cath every few hours.....this will be less painful for him. He starts today.

Keep him in prayer, it will still be a LONG week while he waits!!!

I enjoyed my trip to Vegas (marking the close of summer) :D...it was a special trip and very fun (flew out for a reunion with my sisters and first cousins), but upon return I hit the ground running, getting ready for this next phase or season of treatment for Terence.

 Eccl. 3:1

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven"

The word translated "season" means "a fitting time" or a "set & determined time".  

Now is the time for surgery and chemotherapy.... it is a fitting treatment for Terence right now. And there purpose in this season; a purpose of God through man that is carried into execution.

How long it shall continue, and in what circumstances we are not sure, but the seasons are appointed by God Himself.

A new season is upon us, the squash is almost ready for harvest!

Entering into a new season has anxieties, but Terence & I are trying to trust in the providence of God knowing that He has determined particular things to particular times. 

New season. New purpose. Instead of anxiety, perhaps we can anticipate the good things that the new season is bringing?

Still believing!
~Sherry

Snapping out of it!

Even as I love the autumn season, it is full of anxiety for me. I have a tendency to think of what the fall and winter may 'look like' for our family- in dealing with cancer.  Surgery. Chemotherapy. Then what???? A great amount of anxiety is attached to each moment I think about it.


I also start to mourn the ending of summer-the last two weeks of September when I feel the crispness in the air at that time, which brings less sunlight and longer nights.....my mind will involuntarily wander off as I wonder..... "will have another summer together?"

Get it together Sherry! Snap out of it!

Take it one minute at a time.
One cognitive adjustment that helps me relieve anxiety is reminding myself that I don’t have to think about 2:45 pm when it's only 10 am. All I have to concern myself about is the very second before me. If I am successful at breaking my time down that way, I usually discover that everything is fine for the moment. 

Pay attention to my breathing.
Another easy exercise I try to ground myself in the moment to manage anxiety is to concentrate on my breath–and move it ever so gradually from my chest to my diaphragm–because the extra oxygen sends a message to my prefrontal cortex that every thing is just fine even though the fear center of the brain (the amygdala) doesn’t think so at all.

Above all
I rest in this: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God" (Philippians 4:6).  So I pray and petition God for a miracle- every day!

~ Blessings,
Sherry

Eh. Cancer.

"Eh. Cancer." There aren't many days or times where Terence would say that.....he's typically up beat and positive.  But sometimes cancer gets the best of us.

This has been a painful-struggle-of-a-week for Terence.  The cancerous tumor is seemingly pushing around a bunch of stuff down there (not very technical, but I'm too tired to think of the correct verbage).  Terence's quality of life is a daily struggle and it's so up and down.  He has his monthly oncology appointment on Weds. so he's just trying to hang in there to discuss what his options are -----Dr. M has been discussing a TURP/surgery- so we're wondering if it's time.

HIs PSA results came in- up to 264 (11 points)- but now it's all relative- we're not freaking out over an 11 point jump in a matter of a month, because it has been 50X worse.

Meanwhile it's an "eh, cancer" day.  Not gonna give it much thought today. Too exhausting!

~Sherry